After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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