Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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