i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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