what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
