im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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