I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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