and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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