He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
