I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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