I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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