I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You are a genius and a whore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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