im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
