We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
