Where did you get a picture of my penis
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize