I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
