GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
