There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
