can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize