It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
