Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am mentally ready for anal.
there is glitter all over my balls
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
