so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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