I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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