She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
