I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
