Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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