i just had sex bonerless
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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