Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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