so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
