I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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