i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize