i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
