We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
