Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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