I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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