def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
