I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
