we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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