I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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