I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
