summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
