They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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