a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how can u be prego again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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