it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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