I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
