honey bunches of taint.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The power of my boobs compel you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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