The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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