no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
