Define "chronic" masturbator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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