I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
