In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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