tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
