i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
