i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
