what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
