I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
