Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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