You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
