Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
