If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
