Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I want is dick and wine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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