at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
