i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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