i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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