i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
