aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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