you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
