i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
