How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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