i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
