i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
