At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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