so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
