and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
