Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
