I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
