After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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