Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
