On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
