first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
