I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's always time for handjobs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
