I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
