When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
