Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
