I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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