Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
